im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
