i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
