What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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