He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
