don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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