She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
