xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
