Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
