you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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