so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
