I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
