Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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