is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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