Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
