That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
