Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
