I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
