last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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