I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
