do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
organizing the empties. That sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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