She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
