Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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