i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
