Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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