she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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