so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
