miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
