I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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