Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
