there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
