Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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