saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
