home. puking in laundry basket.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
