Is it normal to miss your booty call?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
