Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
