I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
