can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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