Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
