my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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