Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
