I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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