Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
