it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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