well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
