did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
