Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
