I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
