can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
