Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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