had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
