billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
